Counting bodies like sheep to the rhythm of a war-drum.

Posted by David on Wednesday, April 14, 2010

So now that I'm no longer going to be a rich doctor, I'm going to have to change my future plans, just a little bit.


 For instance, I'll be living in a much smaller house, so I don't think my friends will be able to live with me...
It'll just be me and my pandas.
As you'll notice, these aren't real pandas. See, I'll be too damn poor to afford to be able to keep real pandas, so I'll sublimate my affection for those little bears by surrounding myself with silly imitations of the real thing.
Not having money will make it increasingly difficult for me to find someone with whom I can share my life, so in order to satisfy my need for companionship, I'll become a falconer. My falcon and I will go everywhere together; I'd even take it with me to the grocery store so we could do our shopping together.

This Horse-Bike hybrid will be my main form of transportation. I'll ride it to work, and to the grocery store, and to pretty much wherever I need to go.
Because, honestly, who needs a car when you've got a sweet ride like this, eh?

I'll have to appear cultured and highly sophisticated, since teachers are constantly being judged for that sort of thing, so I'll keep a piano in the sitting room. This is probably the classiest piano I'll be able to afford, so I'll show it off with pride. I guess this means that some time in the future I'll have to re-learn how to play... Meh, I've got time.

And once I'm too old to be considered 'hip' by my students, I'll have to adopt the persona of an old shut-in, which won't be difficult at all. I'll post this sign in my yard so that the neighborhood children will stay off of my lawn. This'll save me the trouble of yelling at them and shaking my fists...

2 comments:

Comment by Riley Byrnes on April 15, 2010 at 2:16 PM

You sound depressed.

 
Comment by David on April 16, 2010 at 12:11 AM

Why would I be depressed when I just created a fabulous future for myself?

 

Post a Comment

Like, tell me what you think!