[Adverb] No

So. There's this band. It's called Within Temptation. It's pretty much one of the most amazing bands I've ever heard. It's fronted by one of the most flawless women alive, Sharon den Adel. Not only is her voice absolutely perfect, but she's also flawless in appearance. She's so fierce!
Anyways. One of my favorite songs by Within Temptation is called "A Dangerous Mind." It's so. Wonderful. So. Here's a video of them performing the song live. If any of you have ever heard the recorded version (which you probably haven't, but I don't want to assume anything about any of you so don't get like, offended or anything...'cause I'll freakin' cut you...) you'll probably notice that her vocals sound exactly like the recording. That's because she's perfect.

She did actually mess up the timing a bit, but that's okay. It's her song, and she does what she wants. Besides, even when she messes up, she's still flawless.

And so.
A decision has been made.
It's not a terrible development.
Well. It kind of is. But it's probably the best thing for the present. It's probably best for the future.
At any rate, it's what's happening.
And regardless of any lingering dejection, I'll deal.
It's not like everything's been changed. It's just that..well..everything's changed.
I can adapt.
I can exist in a different capacity.
I just refuse to throw away everything, or to forget what I've been through.
Nature exists as a duality of reciprocity. If one aspect of life is removed, so is its antithesis.
Without destruction, there can be no creation. Without death, there can be no life. Without cruelty, there can be no kindness.
This is fundamental.
This is universal.
This is what I believe.
This is the reason I can accept the possibility.
This is the reason I'm not completely wrecked.
Life is perfect in its imperfections and in its slights. It'd be boring otherwise.
So. Now. I'm changing reality to better suit my condition. I've invited solace over for some fondue and Chablis. I'm hoping it will suffice. If it doesn't, then I truly am too dramatic for my own good.
It's tough. It's wretched. It's upsetting.
It's not impossible.
I can do anything. I'm amazing. Everybody knows it. And even if somebody thought they could deny it, they wouldn't. Doing so is both illogical and foolish.
I know those words don't seem quite fitting. They make it seem like I'm unaffected. I'm not. I'm quite affected.
But it's not like there's nothing left. Things can't just disappear. They just change form. Adapting and accepting a new form is a compulsory part of life. It's the perfect solution. I'm flexible. I can deal.
It's not the same, anymore.
But it's not gone.
It's still here, only different.
I'm too smart to argue with perfection.
<3

So. Today has been interesting. That's never a good thing.
It started with this horrible ambivalence.
And it's now grown,
I'm not sure what it could mean.
I'd never even thought about it before, well, in this kind of serious and almost cavalier manner. I'd only ever had these thoughts before when I was being seriously emotional or crazy.
Apparently there's been this relevant strain and stress in my life that seems to be increasing in tension.
Tension that I'd previously not noticed.
And I don't know how to remove it without causing myself a lot of pain. Without denying myself a lot of joy.
I'm not sure if I'm the cause, or if this is merely an outside force that's decided to ruin me...
All I know is that I feel like I'm to blame. And I feel like I need to find a suitable solution.
I don't know if I can do that.
I don't know if I have any other options other than waiting this out, hoping that I'm strong enough to bear this pressure until it's alleviated.
I don't want to be unhappy.
And that's contingent on the happiness of those around me.
But if I'm the source of pain in their lives, the only way to make them happy is by removing myself.
In making them happy, I'm making myself miserable.
I'm usually pretty strong. I'm usually pretty selfless.
I doubt I have the strength to end things.
I personally think that what I have is worth fighting for and I'm not willing to give up on it.
But, if I'm the only one who feels that way, then there's not much else to be done.
I'll just see what happens, and I'll react.
I'm good at that.

So. Today is Imbolc. It's a Celtic celebration honoring the departure of Winter and the coming of Spring. It is also a time for cleansing and renewal. I'm going to be celebrating this glorious festival of light with Siren, Jamie, and Riley.
This will be the first time that the four of us celebrate this Sabbat together. I'm very excited.
Siren and I are going to be baking and setting up for the celebration. We've decided to make this a mostly Vegan event, so instead of offering up regular milk (as is tradition during Imbolc since the name comes from the word meaning "ewe's milk") we're going to offer Soy milk. And we'll be baking Vegan Apple Spice Cake. It's gonna be hella fabulous. I'm not sure if Jamie will like that too much, so she'll probably drink regular milk anyways. And well, Riley hates milk - even Soy milk. So. He might not be too thrilled with the idea behind this holiday, but he'll get over it.
I'm really anxious to see how our group functions during the ceremony. Siren and Jamie can be pretty intense. I'm a bit more moderate and calm, so I tend to balance them fairly well, but I'm not sure how Riley will blend. He's kind of intense in his own right, but it's different from the way Jamie and Siren exhibit their energy. He also tends to be a bit distracting to me - but in a good way, of course.
I'm not worried at all about how well things are going to go. It's all going to be perfect. We'll all have a fabulous time. And we'll remember the experience and smile. Well. I will. Because I'm insane and that's what I do in my spare time: reflect on my life and smile. I've got nothing better to do, ever.
Light and Love.

I found this hilarious picture earlier today. I nearly died with laughter. I hope you do too.

 

So. Occasionally, I read this Blog that was started by Jessica Valenti called Feministing. It's pretty fabulous. Jessica's fabulous. She came to speak at my school last year and she was absolutely brilliant.
Anyways, there was a mention on this Blog some time ago about this poet named Staceyann Chin. She's a true artist and wordsmith. She also has the most adorable accent.
Here's a video of her performing some spoken word:

As you can clearly see, she's got charisma for days.
She makes me a little weak in the knees, I'm not gonna lie.
You should check out some more of her poetry, I'd recommend this video to watch as well, since it's my favorite.